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Par : Cédric
Publié : 26 janvier 2009

Rahhh, l’Aveyron... mon Pays :)

Situation

Patrie de José Bové, ce génie a détruit le seul Macdo du coin, l’Aveyron est un chouette département, dans une belle région.

Climat

Seul l’aveyronnais est capable d’apprécier à sa juste valeur ce climat d’exception

Villes

- Capitale : Rodez et ses culs Blancs
- Sous-capitales :
— Millau et Villefranche-de-Rouergue
— Naucelle On ne sait pas pourquoi !
— Sévérac-le-Château avec comme son nom l’indique un ... non non pas un Séverac. Mais oui un château ! Enfin ce qu’il en reste !
— Estaing et Giscard
— Marcillac et son Marcillac.
— Laissac ( le mardi)
— Laguiole et son Laguiole.
— Roquefort et son Roquefort.
— Marcillac et son Marcillac.
— Bozouls et son trou.

Aveyronnais de base

L’aveyronnais moyen est un vieux (ou une vielle) portant un béret (sauf les vieilles), des habits vieux ou troués sous le prétexte d’habiter à la campagne (mais en vérité, c’est pour les rentabiliser au mieux et parfois aussi une canne. Bien souvent aussi, l’aveyronnais a au coin de la bouche un mégot éteint qui suit chaque mouvement de la lèvre à laquelle il s’est collé (éteint, comme ça il se fume moins vite : (rentabilisation).

Comme vous l’aurez compris, l’aveyronnais de base est très plutôt radin économe.

L’aveyronnais se révèle être une source de savoir intarissable sur de nombreux sujets, tels la vie de ses ancêtres, les patates, l’agriculture en général, les villages avoisinant, ses voisins, et bien entendu la fourberie des tarnais.

Peuplades aveyronnaises

Le rodézien

Le ruthénois rodézien, plus communément appelé ’cul blanc’ est l’habitant de Rodez, capitale de l’Aveyron. Comment reconnaitre un rodézien ? Facile ! Il est de droite et vote toujours pour le même maire depuis 30 ans. Le rodézien était grec sous l’antiquité, donc un petit peu homosexuel.

Le millauvain

Le millauvain habite Millau, capitale du gant et du viaduc. Le millauvain constitue un curieux mélange de cultures. Froid comme un auvergnat, expansif comme un catalan, il vit dans une névrose permanente consistant à en dire le moins possible en gesticulant beaucoup.

Le parisien

Peuplade assimilée à l’aveyronnais. Ne sort jamais sans son laguiole, la ville c’est dangereux. Chaque été le Parisien migre vers l’Aveyron, en particulier les plateaux de l’Aubrac. Des études ont montré que jusqu’à la troisième génération, le Parisien est capable de retrouver seul la direction de l’Aubrac. Les parisiens meurent rapidement étouffés car leur gésier ne leur permet pas de digérer l’aligot.

L’Aveyron possède un patrimoine impressionnant recensé dans Le guide Gault-Millau :
- Le viaduc de Millau
- L’aire de repos du viaduc de Millau
- Le péage du viaduc de Millau
- Les moustaches de José Bové
- Les moustaches de Maurice Astruc
- Marguerite, vache de Marcel Rouquier.
- Laguiole, et sa célèbre coutellerie
- Laguiole, et son célèbre fromage
- Laguiole, et sa célèbre station de ski
- Estaing, qui a vendu son nom à un célèbre homme politique français.
- L’Aubrac seule région au monde, après la toundra russe, à permettre la survie des aurochs (boeufs préhistoriques) grâce à son microclimat spécifique (lui aussi préhistorique). On dit même qu’ils essaieraient d’y réintroduire le Yéti... Absolument vide en hiver, se peuple de Parisien une fois l’été venu (du 1er juillet au 31 août) et un jour de plus...

Aveyronnais Célèbres

- José Bové
- Zizou (enfin, ses beaux-parents)

Culture Aveyronnaise

Cuisine Plus encore que le curé du coin (celui de Camarès...et son célèbre problème morphologique), l’Aveyronnais voue un culte à la nourriture, grasse de préférence. On peut notamment noter comme spécialités :
- Les tripous : Cette recette à base de tripes de veau dégage une forte odeur, juste assez forte pour éveiller en douceur les sens du brave Aveyronnais au petit matin.
- L’aligot : Ancêtre de la purée au fromage. Composé de patates, de crème fraîche, et de tome (sorte de Cantal de Laguiole, donc meilleur). Se consomme généralement avec un morceau de saucisse et quelques litres de Marcillac ou d’Estaing.
- Le Marcillac : Vin pas terrible. Le plus difficile est de faire passer le premier verre, après ça va tout seul.
- Le vin d’Estaing : sorte de marcillac en moins bon.
- La fouace : Pâtisserie culte. Accessoirement la fouace sert de prétexte pour déboucher du vin blanc. Car seul les plus vieux aveyronnais sont capables de manger la fouace ’sèche’.
- Le Roquefort : Fromage qui pue d’entre les fromages qui puent. Conçu pour pouvoir boire un bon coup de Marcillac entre l’Aligot et le Gâteau à la broche.

Particularismes linguistiques

En effet, en Aveyron bon nombre d’expression de la vie quotidienne diffèrent du français classique. Ainsi, l’Aveyronnais :
- n’allume/n’éteint pas la lumière, il l’ouvre/la ferme.
- ne finit pas dans le fossé après avoir abusé du Marcillac, mais dans le bartas.
- ne glande pas, il sane.
- ne ferme pas la porte à clé, il la clave.
- n’est pas surpris, il est espanté.
- ne fait pas d’exploits, mais des espets.
- n’a pas soif, il a la sécade.
- ne s’endort pas, il cute, s’assuque, ou il cabusse.
- ne crie pas, il brame.
- ne s’étouffe pas, il s’estraffegue ou s’engaillouste
- préfèrera ’Macarel’, ’Boudihou’, ’’Il dé puto" ou ’Miladious’ à toute interjection française.
- ne vous donnera rien de toute façon, n’insistez pas.

En tout cas on pourra pas dire que les aveyronnais n’ont pas le sens de l’humour !! ...à bon entendeur

Et en images... pour se souvenir binettes

Post-scriptum

- Estelle n’est pas aveyronnaise, mais arrive à manger la fouace ’sèche’ binettes

- Pour ceux qui lisent cet article depuis Facebook, ce sera plus joli si vous cliquer sur le lien "Voir le message d’origine", juste en dessous...

621 Messages de forum

  • Quand je me rends en Aveyron de père et mère,
    Quel plaisir à retourner 50 ans arrière !
    Les Aveyronnais :
    Plus conservateurs... tu meurs !
    En général ils sont accueillants.
    Vous accordent facilement un présent,
    A condition qu’il ne soit pas marqué du fisc :
    ..."€uro" dessus.
    Comme par exemple les légumes du jardin qui risquent
    ...d’être perdus.
    Si vous les invitez manger chez vous,
    N’espérez pas l’invitation retour ;
    Cela coûte trop cher le savez vous ?
    L’esprit de la tribu est par amour
    Légèrement discriminatoire, un peu jaloux, mais Dieu soit loué !
    Il y a messe du dimanche pour se donner bonne conscience.
    Et la jolie nature pour trouver un peu d’innocence.
    Si les enfants s’en vont en fuite,
    C’est uniquement pour réussite.
    Mais Aveyronnais :
    Plus haut ta tête ...que le cœur ?
    Moi, le Rouergat émigré, je trouve le parvenu de la cité
    Terrible !
    Mais redécouvrir le parvenu de la ruralité vraiment c’est
    Epouvantible !...
    Attention quand même, ceci est un portrait "global".
    L’avenir aux jeunes ! Et saufs ceux que j’aime... c’est normal !

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